B
Bogstandard
Guest
Got it wrong there Tin, for machinists it is
'The impossible we do at once, miracles take a little longer'
John
'The impossible we do at once, miracles take a little longer'
John
Help Support Home Model Engine Machinist Forum:
rake60
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How about the common phrases you hear in a job shop when it's
obvious that things are not going well:
"HOW SOON!?!?"
"Where are you stacking the good ones?"
"Will you be needing something else or do you plan to retire on this job?"
OK it's funny when it's being asked to someone ELSE!!!!
:evil: :lol:
Rick
obvious that things are not going well:
"HOW SOON!?!?"
"Where are you stacking the good ones?"
"Will you be needing something else or do you plan to retire on this job?"
OK it's funny when it's being asked to someone ELSE!!!!
:evil: :lol:
Rick
rake60
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I overheard a couple quips in the locker room at the end of a shift one
day that come might fit here.
An older machinist and an inspector were at odds.
Machinist: "I think you should consider a career change. The grocery store
is looking for someone capable of picking the fly s--t out of the pepper."
Inspector: "You could advance in your specialty there as well. They are
also looking for experienced butchers"
Rick
day that come might fit here.
An older machinist and an inspector were at odds.
Machinist: "I think you should consider a career change. The grocery store
is looking for someone capable of picking the fly s--t out of the pepper."
Inspector: "You could advance in your specialty there as well. They are
also looking for experienced butchers"
Rick
B
Bogstandard
Guest
Found this on another site, but relevant
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its 'heart', take valves out, fix'em, put'em back in; and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a measly salary and you get the really big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same kind of work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."
John
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its 'heart', take valves out, fix'em, put'em back in; and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a measly salary and you get the really big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same kind of work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."
John
Powder keg
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A guy at work has a sign that reads "A lack of preparation on your part, Doesn't constitute an emergency on my part" That apply's to a lot of the machine work we do.
Lew Hartswick
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We had a sign like that in the electronics shop at the university. It's amazingPowder keg said:
how many professors couldn't understand that principle.
...lew...
A place I worked at before had a sign on someone's office door that read:
PURPOSE
Your sole function in life may be to convert oxygen to carbon dioxide.
Another sign I have seen:
TEAM WORK
Several talented and skilled individuals working together in harmony with the goal of pulling one jackass around in a wagon.
PURPOSE
Your sole function in life may be to convert oxygen to carbon dioxide.
Another sign I have seen:
TEAM WORK
Several talented and skilled individuals working together in harmony with the goal of pulling one jackass around in a wagon.
B
Bogstandard
Guest
I stole these from another site I torment.
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a High School Diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely In our jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
And then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots P(ilot) And the solutions recorded (marked with an M(aintenance) by Maintenance Engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. Below is taken from Qantas maintance logs for 2006.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
M: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
M: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
M: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
M: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
M: Took hammer away from midget
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a High School Diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely In our jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
And then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots P(ilot) And the solutions recorded (marked with an M(aintenance) by Maintenance Engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. Below is taken from Qantas maintance logs for 2006.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
M: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
M: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
M: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
M: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
M: Took hammer away from midget
B
Bogstandard
Guest
Here is another
'Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only the left hand .. And 'lollipop' is the longest word typed with your right hand.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'. ?
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' uses every letter of the alphabet.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?)
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.' (Yes, admit it, you are going to say, a e i o u)
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
Leonardo DaVinci invented the scissors
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!
Rubber bandslast longer when refrigerated.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of fuel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that.)
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Now you know more than you did before!!
'Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only the left hand .. And 'lollipop' is the longest word typed with your right hand.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'. ?
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog' uses every letter of the alphabet.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?)
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.' (Yes, admit it, you are going to say, a e i o u)
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
Leonardo DaVinci invented the scissors
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!
Rubber bandslast longer when refrigerated.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of fuel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that.)
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Now you know more than you did before!!
B
Bogstandard
Guest
Now an American presidential history lesson.
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head .
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theatre and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theatre.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
Creepy huh? Hey, this is one history lesson most people probably will not mind reading...
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head .
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theatre and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theatre.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
Creepy huh? Hey, this is one history lesson most people probably will not mind reading...
mklotz
Well-Known Member
mklotz
Well-Known Member
B
Bogstandard
Guest
Marv,
I only pinched it from somewhere else for a bit of interest.
I knew the facts about Winston, but what the heck, some people will believe it.
John
I only pinched it from somewhere else for a bit of interest.
I knew the facts about Winston, but what the heck, some people will believe it.
John
mklotz
Well-Known Member
Well, I just wanted to keep things clear on my hero, Winston.
Actually, I'm surprised that Winston was actually born. Like Athena from the brow of Zeus, I thought he simply materialized from a large steaming pile of dictionaries and whiskey bottles.
My favorite Churchill anecdote...
George Bernard Shaw sends Churchill two tickets to the opening night of his new play with a note saying, "Bring a friend - if you have one."
Churchill returns the tickets with a note, "Sorry, prior committment. I'll attend the second showing - if there is one."
Actually, I'm surprised that Winston was actually born. Like Athena from the brow of Zeus, I thought he simply materialized from a large steaming pile of dictionaries and whiskey bottles.
My favorite Churchill anecdote...
George Bernard Shaw sends Churchill two tickets to the opening night of his new play with a note saying, "Bring a friend - if you have one."
Churchill returns the tickets with a note, "Sorry, prior committment. I'll attend the second showing - if there is one."
B
Bogstandard
Guest
Marv,
Just not my sort of person, sorry. Too much upper crust breeding.
Unlike a lot of American people, we don't idolise the aristocracy. To me they were and still are, leeches on the backs of working people.
Hooray Henries and chinless wonders are just a few of the repeatable names we give them.
John
Just not my sort of person, sorry. Too much upper crust breeding.
Unlike a lot of American people, we don't idolise the aristocracy. To me they were and still are, leeches on the backs of working people.
Hooray Henries and chinless wonders are just a few of the repeatable names we give them.
John
Lew Hartswick
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- Sep 20, 2007
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- 505
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- 10
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
All well and good EXCEPT a shark isn't a FISH.
Don't have a handy ref at the moment but I'm sure if you look into it, using
some good refrences youll find it.
...lew...
All well and good EXCEPT a shark isn't a FISH.
Don't have a handy ref at the moment but I'm sure if you look into it, using
some good refrences youll find it.
...lew...
Lew Hartswick said:A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
All well and good EXCEPT a shark isn't a FISH.
Don't have a handy ref at the moment but I'm sure if you look into it, using
some good refrences youll find it.
...lew...
I thought a shark was an attorney. :lol:
