B
Bogstandard
Guest
Great post Greenie, keep 'em coming (like the pig)
Bogs
Bogs
Help Support Home Model Engine Machinist Forum:
G
greenie
Guest
Bumper Stickers Spotted
Be a lert , the world needs more lerts.
If you can read this , I've lost my caravan.
Go ahead and honk , I'm reloading.
If you don't like the way I drive , get off the sidewalk!.
So many pedestrians , so little time.
This car will explode on impact.
Jesus is coming , look busy !.
I've found Jesus , he's in my trunk.
Traffic wardens eat their young.
I Killed Kenny ! (sorry deadkenny)
Today is the day for decisive action. Or is it?.
Give blood .. play hockey.
10,000 sperm , and you were the fastest ?
Ok , so god made heaven and earth , but what has he done lately?.
Welcome to Utah , set your watch back 20 years.
Horn broken , watch for finger.
Pigs may fly-this one drives.
Eat a prune and start a movement.
My face is familiar , but I can't quite remember my name.
Ask not what you can for me , just do it !.
Go ahead and hit me , I need the money.
Preserve nature , pickle a squirrel.
Prevent interbreeding , ban country music.
There's no future in time travel , so slow down.
My other wife is beautiful.
Sshhhh , the driver is sleeping.
Feel safe tonight , sleep with a cop.
It's not pretty being easy.
Sky diving , good to the last drop.
I don't suffer from insanity , I enjoy every minute of it.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Too close for missles , switching to guns.
Heck was created for those who refuse to believe in Gosh.
__________________
Be a lert , the world needs more lerts.
If you can read this , I've lost my caravan.
Go ahead and honk , I'm reloading.
If you don't like the way I drive , get off the sidewalk!.
So many pedestrians , so little time.
This car will explode on impact.
Jesus is coming , look busy !.
I've found Jesus , he's in my trunk.
Traffic wardens eat their young.
I Killed Kenny ! (sorry deadkenny)
Today is the day for decisive action. Or is it?.
Give blood .. play hockey.
10,000 sperm , and you were the fastest ?
Ok , so god made heaven and earth , but what has he done lately?.
Welcome to Utah , set your watch back 20 years.
Horn broken , watch for finger.
Pigs may fly-this one drives.
Eat a prune and start a movement.
My face is familiar , but I can't quite remember my name.
Ask not what you can for me , just do it !.
Go ahead and hit me , I need the money.
Preserve nature , pickle a squirrel.
Prevent interbreeding , ban country music.
There's no future in time travel , so slow down.
My other wife is beautiful.
Sshhhh , the driver is sleeping.
Feel safe tonight , sleep with a cop.
It's not pretty being easy.
Sky diving , good to the last drop.
I don't suffer from insanity , I enjoy every minute of it.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Too close for missles , switching to guns.
Heck was created for those who refuse to believe in Gosh.
__________________
G
greenie
Guest
A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.
"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on."
"Ok, got it." the homeowner replied. "But whats that shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."
"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on."
"Ok, got it." the homeowner replied. "But whats that shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."
G
greenie
Guest
Bill Gates' Eternity
Bill Gates dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him, "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.
He then takes him to a massive colosseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.
Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all?"
"That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't."
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys."
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
Bill Gates dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him, "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.
He then takes him to a massive colosseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.
Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all?"
"That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't."
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys."
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
G
greenie
Guest
Baked Beans
Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on."
So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.
He then went to answer the phone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!
Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on."
So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.
He then went to answer the phone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!
G
greenie
Guest
call 911
A couple of hunters in the rural south are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
A couple of hunters in the rural south are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
G
greenie
Guest
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"
G
greenie
Guest
Eating Out:
Last week, I took some friends to a new restaurant, and noticed that our waiter carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However when the busboy brought us some water, I saw that he also carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. I looked around and saw that all of the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back, I asked him, "Why the spoon?"...
"Well," he replied "the owners decided to get some advice from Price Waterhouse Coopers, management consultants and experts in efficiency, to make sure the restaurant would be smooth running and save man-hours at the same time. After several weeks of investigation, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 78.34% more often than any other utensil. This equates to 3.7 spoons per hour, per table. If we can deal with this issue, then we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 1.5 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it I dropped my spoon while having soup and he replaced it immediately. "I'll get a new one next time I go to the kitchen instead of making that extra trip" he said. I was impressed. These consultants obviously know their stuff. I continued to observe the workflow in the room when my eye was caught by what looked like a small piece of string, hanging out of the waiter's fly. I looked around, and sure enough, every male employee had string hanging from their flies. My curiosity again got the better of me, and I called our waiter over.
"Excuse me, but why do you have a piece of string right there?" "Oh, not every one is as observant as you," he replied. "The Consulting firm found that this also saves time."
"How is that?" I asked. "Well, by having this string tied to my
you-know-what, I can pull it out over the urinal, without touching it, thereby eliminating the need to wash my hands and reducing the time spent in the washroom by 72.6%."
"I can see how it would do that" I said, "but how do you put it back in?"
"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."
Last week, I took some friends to a new restaurant, and noticed that our waiter carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However when the busboy brought us some water, I saw that he also carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. I looked around and saw that all of the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back, I asked him, "Why the spoon?"...
"Well," he replied "the owners decided to get some advice from Price Waterhouse Coopers, management consultants and experts in efficiency, to make sure the restaurant would be smooth running and save man-hours at the same time. After several weeks of investigation, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 78.34% more often than any other utensil. This equates to 3.7 spoons per hour, per table. If we can deal with this issue, then we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 1.5 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it I dropped my spoon while having soup and he replaced it immediately. "I'll get a new one next time I go to the kitchen instead of making that extra trip" he said. I was impressed. These consultants obviously know their stuff. I continued to observe the workflow in the room when my eye was caught by what looked like a small piece of string, hanging out of the waiter's fly. I looked around, and sure enough, every male employee had string hanging from their flies. My curiosity again got the better of me, and I called our waiter over.
"Excuse me, but why do you have a piece of string right there?" "Oh, not every one is as observant as you," he replied. "The Consulting firm found that this also saves time."
"How is that?" I asked. "Well, by having this string tied to my
you-know-what, I can pull it out over the urinal, without touching it, thereby eliminating the need to wash my hands and reducing the time spent in the washroom by 72.6%."
"I can see how it would do that" I said, "but how do you put it back in?"
"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."
G
greenie
Guest
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never
be able to support you.
-------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer
to
the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
--------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
--------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
---------------------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
---------------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
---------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man
and rested.
Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
---------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
---------------------------------------------
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and
said,
"I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your will power."
---------------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
---------------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never
be able to support you.
-------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer
to
the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
-------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
--------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
--------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
---------------------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
---------------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
---------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man
and rested.
Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
---------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
---------------------------------------------
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and
said,
"I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your will power."
---------------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
---------------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
G
greenie
Guest
Knowledge
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving
more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful. What makes life 100%?
If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 1819 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bull**** will put you
over the top!!!!!
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving
more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful. What makes life 100%?
If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 1819 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bull**** will put you
over the top!!!!!
B
Bogstandard
Guest
Duct tape works up to 3 years of age, after that use superglue and six inch nails.
I always wondered where Cedge came from.
Bogs
I always wondered where Cedge came from.
Bogs
zeusrekning
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2007
- Messages
- 448
- Reaction score
- 0
:big: :big: :big:
Cedge wasn't that pic hangin on your wall. I swear I didn't send it to John. :big: :big: :big:
Cedge wasn't that pic hangin on your wall. I swear I didn't send it to John. :big: :big: :big:
Cedge
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2007
- Messages
- 1,730
- Reaction score
- 29
Tim
I can see I'm gonna have to hold a come to Jesus meeting with ya son...LOL. I do have to admit to using the threat of duct taping my grandsons to the wall in the past. Hey... it worked at the time...(grin). At least John posted one of his own childhood photos right below mine.
Steve
I can see I'm gonna have to hold a come to Jesus meeting with ya son...LOL. I do have to admit to using the threat of duct taping my grandsons to the wall in the past. Hey... it worked at the time...(grin). At least John posted one of his own childhood photos right below mine.
Steve
B
Bogstandard
Guest
Seen on another site.
Ponder on these imponderables for a minute:-
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
who drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?
15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while
they deliver the mail?
17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (my fav)
18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
19. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those
little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
21. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one
enjoys it?
22. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when
you send it by sea it is called cargo?
23. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365
days a year, why are there locks on the door?
Ponder on these imponderables for a minute:-
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
who drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?
15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while
they deliver the mail?
17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (my fav)
18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
19. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those
little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
21. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one
enjoys it?
22. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when
you send it by sea it is called cargo?
23. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365
days a year, why are there locks on the door?
Bernd
Well-Known Member
24. Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?
Bernd
Bernd
rake60
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2007
- Messages
- 4,756
- Reaction score
- 124
OK this might not be model engineering humor, but still shop related.
We have a guy at work who is very confident in his own skills.
He just finished "ragging" on a coworker for a stupid mistake.
Sat down at his work bench, picked up his calculator, pounded a few keys and
held the calculator up to his ear.
He had just punched his home phone number into the calculator while his
cell phone was resting peacefully on the work bench.
How quickly tides can turn when an observant person such as myself is near by.
We have a guy at work who is very confident in his own skills.
He just finished "ragging" on a coworker for a stupid mistake.
Sat down at his work bench, picked up his calculator, pounded a few keys and
held the calculator up to his ear.
He had just punched his home phone number into the calculator while his
cell phone was resting peacefully on the work bench.
How quickly tides can turn when an observant person such as myself is near by.
zeusrekning
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2007
- Messages
- 448
- Reaction score
- 0
:big: :big: Thats me.
Powder keg
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2007
- Messages
- 1,091
- Reaction score
- 3
:big: :big:Sounds like something I would do :big: :big:
G
greenie
Guest
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to of all people a beautiful, you guessed it, blonde. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls.
Never-the-less, the blonde continued to look at him thought-fully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?
Never-the-less, the blonde continued to look at him thought-fully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?
