Humour in model engineering

[malcolmt]

Hi All,

A friend sent me the following and i thought you might find it amusing. I did!!



Dear Walter
>
> I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my
> husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a
> mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a
> halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I
> couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's
> daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 22. We
> have been married for ten years.
>
> When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been
> having
> an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave
> him.
> He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling
> increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since
> I
> gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won 't go to
> counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
>
> Can you please help?
>
> Sincerely, Sheila
>
> ******************************
>
> Dear Sheila:
>
> A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
> variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
> debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses
> on
> the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these
> approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is
> faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
>
> I hope this helps,
> Walter

 

[dsquire]

Malcolmt

Very good. I figured that it wasn't going where I thought it was but I hadn't figured on that.

cheers

Don

 

[Maryak]

Crankshafter,

Obviously he's been to Canada when you weren't looking

Best Regards
Bob

 

[dsquire]

OK Guys, time to relax for a few minutes


Peter Kay One Liners

I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?'



When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.


I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.


I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get along with my real ladder.


Sex is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.


I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough..'


If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?


I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.


You know that look women get when they want sex? No, me neither.


Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.


I was the kid next-door's imaginary friend.


Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.


Cheers

Don

 

[Maryak]

Don,

Another Gem

Best Regards
Bob :big: :big:

 

[Maryak]

Try this one

YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT

Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway-but
your waiter may know!




YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH

This is pretty neat
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read. (You'll need a calculator)!
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to
go out to eat. (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1758...



If you haven't, add 1757.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number


The first digit of this was your original number. ( I. e., How many times
you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)


The next two numbers are



YOUR AGE ! ------ (Oh YES, it is!)



THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2008) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS

 

[Stilldrillin]

The next two numbers are



YOUR AGE ! ------ (Oh YES, it is!)

Oh!........ YES, it is!

(After 7 attempts to punch ALL the correct keys, in correct sequence)....... :

Nice one! Thanks....

 

[mklotz]

The trick is recognizing that 2008 = 1758 + 250

N=number of times you eat out

(2*N+5)*50 + 1758 - 1941 = 100*N + (250 + 1758) - 1941 =

100*N + (2008 - 1941) = 100*N + age

 

[rake60]

I sent that to my Mom.
Received this reply. LOL

"yes, so I want to eat out 4 times a week and I am 71 years old...smart kid!!!"

 

[minerva]

Hi Guys,
a belated compliments of the season to you all (been away from the machine for 3 weeks)
I recently saw this and thought it might fit ;D

As part of an experiment a college professor asked various people
their opinion of a glass sat upon a table with only 50% of it's volume filled with water.
Participants in the experiment were asked if the glass was half full, or half empty.
The Pessimist immediately made the statement that the glass was obviously, half empty.
The Optimist was as equally adamant that the glass was only half full.
The aging Model engineer thought long and hard before stating the obvious," The glass is too large for the application by a factor of 2 either get a smaller glass or fill it up

 

[bigal2749]

After months of nagging fom the wife, the 84 year gentlemen finally goes to the doctor for the first time in his life.

The doctor says after the exam "you certainly are in great shape for someone 84, how old was your father when he died?"

The old guy says "Did I say he died?"

Doctor is amazed, 'you mean he's still alive?"
Old gent, "Yes he's 104 years old"

Doc " what great genes you must have, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
Old gent "Did I say he died?"

Doc "you mean your grandfather is stll alive?"
Gent Yes, he's 124 years old and matter of fact he's marrying a 24 year old girl on saturday."

Doc "why would a 104 year old guy want to marry a 24 year old girl?"

Old gent "Did I say he wanted to?"

 

[ChooChooMike]

For those of us with self-steam problems ......

 

[Kermit]

For any old occassion that suits your fancy I present:

The enthusiasm meter!

 

[rake60]

It would appear winter is here today.
I've been out every 2 hours with my antique snow
thrower just to keep up with the snow fall.

It reminded me of this:

:-\

Rick

 

[Bernd]

Was thinking about you guys down there when I saw the weather report.

Think it might take till Agust or Septemebr the way it's going. :big:

Bernd

 

[scoop]

A small puzzle for you.
3 men go into a restaurant for dinner and at the end the bill is £25.Each man puts £10 in the kitty and give it to the waiter.When the waiter returns he gives £5 back in change.The 3 men then take £1 each back from the change and leave the £2 remaining as a tip for the waiter(I know its not a big tip but this is England).So to recap,each man gives £10 and gets £1 back which equals £27.Add on the £2 tip which equals £29.Where did the last pound go?Please feel free to substitute your own currency if you feel it will help.

Best Regards Steve C.

 

[malcolmt]

Hi Steve
Excellent puzzle, Clearly this has nothing to do with where the extra pound has gone, That's just trying to hide the ridiculous statement that three men could get a meal for twenty five pounds !!!!!!!!!!!!

:big: :big: :big:

Kind regards

Malcolm

 

[scoop]

In the years since I first heard this I have never allowed for inflation.Perhaps I should re-calculate it sometime.

Best Gastronomic Regards Steve C.

 

[jwsvandr]

Here is a quote from a book by Roy Heinrichs in Manitoba entitled Heroes and Cream Gravy. It is a true story according to the author

I took measures to run a reasonably safe farming operation. It was for this reason that I taped a sign up in the tractor cab for my wife. It read "Caution, wearing loose and floppy clothes near machinery is not safe." She didn't take offence to my reminder but had added the following to it, "Caution, wearing tight snug-fitting clothing near farmer is not safe either"

 

[Maryak]

Kinda like this one.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'. The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey?' 'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation' Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.

Was it Tina Minetti?' 'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'4 months vacation and five good leads.'

Best Regards
Bob