Encabulator build

[Captain Jerry]

OK, here goes.

Please allow me to get a little more serious. I have done extensive research and I find that no one uses cardinal grammeters anymore. The technology has moved to the more responsive nano-grammeters and the synchronization of nano-grammeters is trivial using the ubiquitous imbedded microprocessor. The stated purpose of the Turbor Encabulator, no matter how poorly conceived, has no value in today's technology. That does not mean that the project is useless. The operating principles, though mostly unknown may still have value. All we have to do is discover it.

I think the best way to do that is to build one and see what it does. I will post some revised specifications shortly.

Jerry

 

[Bill Gruby]

:big: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :big:


You have my undivided attention "Captain Jerry".


"Bill Gruby"

 

[Captain Jerry]

But first!

I want to set some project parameters. In the spirit of the original project the parameters will be incomplete and obscure. All suggestion, additions and exclusions must be submitted using Form HMEM 4140 Rev D. by the close of business or they will be held for consideration on the 2012 upgrade.

Approved inclusion to date:

The final instrument should include at least 36 visible socket head cap screws.
It should include at least 2 cast iron parts derived from common plumbing fittings.
It should make some kind of sound, like "puckett-a puckett-a puckett-a"
It should be able to power a usefull device such as the common Ham-Sam Winch.

More to come.

Jerry

 

[Sleazey]

The famous engineer, Dr. Walter Mitty (PhD, medicine; Commander, US Navy; Captain, Royal Air Force, ret.; crack shot; Allied intelligence agent (unconfirmed)) specified that optimum tuning of the turbo-encabulator's grammeters, and consequent minimization of the sinusoidal depleneration, was achieved when the apparatus emitted an audio waveform usually characterized as "pocket-a pocket-a pocket-a".

Sustained operation the turbo-encabulator while tuned to the emission of an audible "puckett-a puckett-a puckett-a" waveform can lead to premature encabulation. I hardly need tell anyone in this group of the serious dangers inherent in premature encabulation.

 

[Maryak]

Sustained operation the turbo-encabulator while tuned to the emission of an audible "puckett-a puckett-a puckett-a" waveform can lead to premature encabulation. I hardly need tell anyone in this group of the serious dangers inherent in premature encabulation.

You could well be right here I think "puckett-a puckett-a puckett-a" is not sinusoidal but one of the cheaper square wave forms. At least Jerry has been alerted to the potential problem and can hopefully source an approved "Encabulator Operators Hard Hat."

Best Regards
Bob

 

[tel]

Yeah, well it seems to me that this Encabulator incorporates quite a few design elements from my Deflaturated Hydro Nuclear Merkin Folder - my attorneys - Mssrs Screwem and Leggit will be in touch!

 

[Maryak]

Yeah, well it seems to me that this Encabulator incorporates quite a few design elements from my Deflaturated Hydro Nuclear Merkin Folder - my attorneys - Mssrs Screwem and Leggit will be in touch!

As a fellow Oz I sympathise. :'( However even for a Newsouthwelshman that sure is stretching a legal point............. almost to infinity.

The law's an ass but justice will be served should you drop the litigation and give your hip pocket nerve an even break. ;D (Think I've been watching to much "Rake" on ABC).

Best Regards
Bob

 

[tel]

*knuppel2* Don't tell anyone Bob. but we will be quite happy to settle out of court .... for a few mil.

 

[Maryak]

*knuppel2* Don't tell anyone Bob. but we will be quite happy to settle out of court .... for a few mil.

Mum's the word.....................my lips are sealed, (I think my fingers could be a bit of a problem).

 

[shoprat]

this is all well and good,but will this machine finally tell me who put the bop in the bop sha bop :big:

 

[tel]

The Deflaturated Hydro Nuclear Merkin Folder won't, no, it is strictly for that vital industrial process of folding Merkins prior to dispatch. Up until now, this tedious task has had to be done by hand, and it's hard to find good Merkin Folders!

 

[Captain Jerry]

Tel

Without having seen an example of your DHNMF, I feel certain that any similarities are superficial and imaginary. I have therefore instructed my people to deal with your people as a nuisance, unless they offer hot blueberry scones as an incentive to negotiate. In that case they are to schedule only morning meetings between the hours of 9:00AM and 9:15AM.

Jerry

 

[Captain Jerry]

Sleazey

Thanks for the "heads up." I'll look into appropriate protection.

Bob

I don't think a traditional hard hat will be needed. I will wear a Reynolds AFDB (aluminum foil deflector beanie during all operational sessions. Test have shown AFDB to be ineffective in combating mind control I think it will handle low levels of encaburadiation.

Jerry

 

[Captain Jerry]

Visualization of the Encabulator process can be seen here:

http://screencast.com/t/R0Rt1fpsO

It clearly shows the panemetric fam exhibiting barescent Skor motion while orbiting the ambifacient wane shaft. The two parallel spurthing bearings have captured the central core element of the cruciform dual dingle arm effectively preventing side-fumbling while allowin reciprocation and controlling depleneration at the semiboloid ends of the dingle arm cross-member. Depleneration, as a function of barescent Skor motion can never be eliminated and in fact if properly controlled can be put to use.

I realize that this is obvious from previous discussion but a visualization in 4D is often helpful. Please report any problems with the viewing of this link. I haven't used it for a while so I'm not sure its set up right.

Jerry

 

[mklotz]

The operating principles, though mostly unknown may still have value.

Chuckle. I've used lines very similar to that one in presentations to the armed forces, only to be greeted by a conference table full of sagely nodding heads. Positively scary.

 

[Captain Jerry]

Chuckle. I've used lines very similar to that one in presentations to the armed forces, only to be greeted by a conference table full of sagely nodding heads. Positively scary.

Marv,

A good throw away line like that is useful for gauging comprehension. But its easy to get carried away. When you see the audience throwing side glances at each other, its time to get back to reality.

Jerry

 

[tel]

Tel

Without having seen an example of your DHNMF, I feel certain that any similarities are superficial and imaginary. I have therefore instructed my people to deal with your people as a nuisance, unless they offer hot blueberry scones as an incentive to negotiate. In that case they are to schedule only morning meetings between the hours of 9:00AM and 9:15AM.

Jerry

My people employ lots of large men in dark suits - they might be carrying hot blueberry scones in them violin cases, I'm not sure!

 

[Captain Jerry]

My people employ lots of large men in dark suits - they might be carrying hot blueberry scones in them violin cases, I'm not sure!

What a pleasant surprise. Hot blueberry scones and a string quartet. We don't often wear dark suits here in Florida. Cut off jeans and Flip-flops are the norm. While my people are known to appreciate violins, they are much more comfortable with a GLOCKenshpiel and other percushion instruments. Sounds like a good time, or as Dock Holiday (Val Kilmer) said at the OK Corral, "I'm your daisy."

Jerry

 

[Captain Jerry]

In the first quarter of the last century, Florida was a wild and exotic place. Salvage, wrecking, smuggling and piracy were an attraction for adventurous young men seeking their fortune. One of the most fearless and fearsome members of this wild group of adventurers was a cool and cold eyed schooner captain who had a reputation with the ladies and a reputation as a cold blooded killer. It was a mistake to laugh anywhere within his presence because he might mistake it for a personal affront.

Strong drink and narcotics were vices that he could not control or never tried to control. One clear, cloudless day, with a fair breeze and a following sea, his dark green hulled schooner entered the cut at Port Everglades under full sail and proceeded to the pier. No halyards loosed, no sheets eased, no sails doused, the schooner made such a violent impact that pilings were splintered and waterfront warehouses were gutted spilling the stores into the water.

The captain had simply dozed of while under the influence. It was such a disaster the docks were closed for a week. No one worked. The dock workers didn't care. To them it was like an unexpected vacation. The greater damage was to the reputation of the schooner captain. His seamanship was held up to ridicule in a time and place where seamanship was the measure of the man. People laughed at him. And as often happens at these times a cruel nickname was hung on him. The more cruel because it was fitting and commemorative of the vent.

The name crushed him. He could not escape it. He lost his taste for the sea and like others before and after, he hoisted an oar on his shoulder and headed inland, vowing to stop heading west only when someone pointed to the oar on his shoulder and said "What's that?" He eventually escaped the sea but he could never escape the name. Somehow it followed and mocked him. It drove him further into drug and drink until eventually he accepted it, even embraced it and in an environment where the six shooter was the source of a man's reputation, not his seamanship, his reputation grew. The nickname that destroyed him on the waterfront and brought ridicule, was no longer a nickname, it was him. When he walked into a saloon, hardened men glanced sideways and spoke his name with respect and fear and as a warning.

What was the name, with the ironic reference to the unexpected vacation in Port Everglades that idled dockworkers? I'll be back in a moment with the rest of the story.

 

[dsquire]

Captain Jerry

As everyone sits restlessly on the edge of their seat waiting to hear the rest of the story. :bow:

Cheers

Don